I enjoy working with men on a variety of issues. Much of my enjoyment derives from working with males that I have much in common with. All males in our culture and in present day have witnessed the changing male/female roles as a result of the women’s movement. And many have struggled as a result. We haven’t, along with the women in our lives, achieved the effective communication necessary (both verbal and non-verbal) to feel the emotional closeness we long for.

We may not even be aware of or value that we too need emotional closeness. Our society has robbed men of the ability to identify our full range of feelings and needs, let alone celebrate our way that we feel close. We are clear that women need to talk, be heard and share in order to feel close, but men have needs that are just as important. Contrary to popular belief, thanks to the media, we need more than food, alcohol and sex to be fulfilled.

Many of us have put years of hard work into successful careers and businesses giving us earning power that we always dreamed about, but still feel something is missing. And something is missing. We are missing emotional closeness, peer relationships, hobbies…we are missing our full potential.

Children and Adolescents- Children and adolescents are often over developed in some areas and underdeveloped in other areas. This is especially true for adolescents in the digital age. When this occurs, the pieces of the puzzle don’t fit snug together. Some pieces of the puzzle are overlapping and others leave gaps in between the pieces. Children’s life experiences account for these pieces and how they fit together. Sometimes parents experience this as, “Why is my 12 year old having temper tantrums like a two year old?” We can’t go back and change a child’s life experience, but we can help them process some experiences that were too much for them to manage emotionally and we can find new ways to help them gain the experiences they should have experienced, but have not yet experienced. This is how therapy helps children. I use many techniques, including play therapy techniques; art therapy techniques and talk therapy to assist children grow and emotionally heal.

Families- Families often struggle through transitions in the life cycle. These transitions often include: marriage/newlyweds, parents with young children, parents with adolescents, launching children, and blending families…these new phases of life often throw families. Parents and children (even adult children) often become frustrated and irritated. Communication in the family breaks down. Individuals in the family may feel unsafe and anxious. Others may become depressed and/or angry. Family therapy helps families gain insight into the family and increases the ability to see the family as a working system with its own unique dynamics. Once an increase in insight is achieved, new skills such as enhanced communication, managing stress and other feelings, and parenting effectiveness can be learned and incorporated at home and into everyday life.

Infidelity is extremely difficult for most couples to heal from. The infidelity may be emotional, sexual, or both. Many couples come to see me because they find themselves stuck in the same conversations and unable to move forward. I help couples with infidelity by educating them, exploring patterns, and processing feelings.

Couples often find it difficult communicating about an infidelity because they aren’t sure what are fair boundaries and rules of communication when one has betrayed the other so terrifically. I assist couples by using my education, training and experience to find new boundaries and styles of communicating with rules and boundaries.

Infidelity usually occurs when there are also problems with self-esteem, addiction(s), and/or deficits in the relationship. Discovering infidelity usually triggers depression and anxiety for both the victim and the perpetrator of the infidelity.

Recovering from infidelity may be difficult, but it is absolutely possible. It takes time and commitment. Often couples recover and find a new level of intimacy they have never experienced before. Individual therapy and couples therapy are usually the preferred treatment modalities; however, I always do a thorough assessment (usually 1-3 sessions) before providing treatment.

Addiction may take many forms. People may be addicted to sex, food, or other behaviors and substances. I have a keen understanding of addiction. I have over 17 years experience with working the 12 steps which has brought me the gift of abstinence.

When we are addicted to any substance we go through stages. These stages progress as we move through our disease. The first stage is when we move from occasional use of a substance/behavior to constant using to experience a relief. This relief is to experience some type of psychological escape (such as from stress, fear or depression). This stage may last months or years. If someone in this stage does not receive help they will build a tolerance and move to the next stage.
At this second level many addicts will experience periods of dissociation. Loss of control is a characteristic, as well as a preoccupation. Some addicts will be inclined to sneak their using at this level. The third level may involve the physical need for the substance or behaviors being abused. People tend to attempt to stop on their own at this level, and some may succeed at stopping at this level, but only to relapse. The periods of abstinence when trying to stop are usually short term.

The final and fourth level is when the addict is dominated by his/her using. This individual may experience his/her life as “falling apart” or debilitating. This person may demonstrate signs of physical withdrawal when unable to obtain the given substance or behavior of choice. Please note, it is essential that any individual who has become physiologically dependent on a some chemical substances receive medical attention and assistance before attempting abstinence. For example, withdrawal from alcohol can be extremely dangerous. Briefly participating in an inpatient facility to detox safely may be required.

Following is the AA Twenty Question List. This self-report is a good preliminary screening device which was developed at John’s Hopkins University Hospital to determine whether an individual has a problem with alcohol. I have often used this tool to determine whether an individual has a problem with different types of substances/behaviors. For example, you could substitute the words “drink” and “drinking” with “drugs, food, sex, gambling” and “using, compulsive overeating, or sexually acting out”.

The A.A. Twenty Question List

Answer with a “yes” or a “no”.

1. Do you lose time from work due to drinking?
2. Is drinking making your home life unhappy?
3. Do you drink because you are shy with other people?
4. Is drinking affecting your reputation?
5. Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?
6. Have you gotten into financial trouble as a result of your drinking?
7. Do you turn to lower companions and an inferior environment when drinking?
8. Does your drinking make you careless of your family’s welfare?
9. Has you ambition decreased since your drinking?
10. Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily?
11. Do you want a drink the next morning?
12. Does drinking cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
13. Has your efficiency decreased since drinking?
14. Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business?
15. Do you drink to escape worries or troubles?
16. Do you drink alone?
17. Have you ever had a complete loss of memory as a result of drinking?
18. Has your physician ever treated you for drinking?
19. Do you drink to build up your self-confidence?
20. Have you ever been to a hospital or institution on account of drinking?
    • If you answered “yes” to any one of the questions, this is a definite warning that you may be alcoholic.
    • If you answered “yes” to any two, the chances are that you are an alcoholic.
    • If you answered “yes” to three or more, you are definitely an alcoholic.

I enjoy working with men on a variety of issues. Much of my enjoyment derives from working with males that I have much in common with. All males in our culture and in present day have witnessed the changing male/female roles as a result of the women’s movement. And many have struggled as a result. We haven’t, along with the women in our lives, achieved the effective communication necessary (both verbal and non-verbal) to feel the emotional closeness we long for.

We may not even be aware of or value that we too need emotional closeness. Our society has robbed men of the ability to identify our full range of feelings and needs, let alone celebrate our way that we feel close. We are clear that women need to talk, be heard and share in order to feel close, but men have needs that are just as important. Contrary to popular belief, thanks to the media, we need more than food, alcohol and sex to be fulfilled.

Many of us have put years of hard work into successful careers and businesses giving us earning power that we always dreamed about, but still feel something is missing. And something is missing. We are missing emotional closeness, peer relationships, hobbies…we are missing our full potential.

Depression involves feelings of extraordinary sadness, lack of energy and negative thoughts about self and the future. Basic biological functioning is also affected by depression, for example, sleeping patterns are likely to be disrupted, appetite may be lessened and a reduced libido may be affected. The risk of suicide is a significant factor when one is depressed. Most depressions, even milder ones, occur in the company of significant anxiety. Fortunately, psychotherapy can significantly reduce the symptoms of depression.

Most people question where their depression comes from. Many people experience depression after a loss, such as the loss of a relationship, loss of health, or loss of a job. And some even after a “success” in life, such as a graduation. Some people are more prone to depression than others. It has long been observed that women are twice as likely to become clinically depressed as men. However, many men can, and often do, suffer from this debilitating condition. A child needs a secure attachment to a parental figure in order to be resistant to depression in later life; therefore, some who were not given love and support as a child may be more prone to depression as well. In short, any incident in life that is highly stressful can result in a person feeling depressed.

There are two types of clinical depression that fall into the mild to moderate levels. The first is dysthymia. This depression lasts for more than two years and the person experiences the depression more days than not. It is important to note that someone with dysthymia does not experience depressive symptoms everyday. In addition, someone with dysthymia must also experience two of the following symptoms: poor appetite or overeating, sleep disturbance, low energy, difficulties concentrating or making decisions, low self-esteem, and feelings of hopelessness.

When someone experiences a stressor, such as a loss or relocation an “adjustment” may trigger a depression. This is the other clinical depression that falls into the mild to moderate level. A depression that is brought on by an “adjustment” differs from dysthymia in that it does not last longer than six months.

A more severe level of depression is when the person exhibits more symptoms than are required for dysthymia and the symptoms are more persistent. This means that periods of normal mood will not be experienced as is the case with dysthymia. The person may also experience four or more of the following symptoms: fatigue or loss of energy, too much or too little sleep, decreased appetite and significant weight loss or gain, a slowdown of mental and physical functioning, diminished ability to think or concentrate, feelings of worthlessness, and recurrent thoughts of death or suicide. It is extremely important that an individual who is suffering from these symptoms receives compassionate help from a mental health professional. It is an unfortunate irony that the higher the level of depression an individual experiences, the more difficult it is for that person to work through the inevitable feelings of paralysis and seek treatment.

Depression is a painful condition that affects millions of people All deserve to benefit from the effective treatment that is available.

The diet industry is booming because of the emotional toll that being overweight exacts on individuals, despite that most research suggests that over 95% of all those who lose weight will gain it back within a year. Therefore, diets don’t work. More than the food you eat and your habits need to be examined in order to successfully manage your weight. And perhaps even more importantly, the motivation that created these habits needs to both be understood, and attended to.

Societal contempt is often projected onto individuals with eating disorders. This not only causes emotional pain, but also may cause problems in their relationships with themselves, relationships with others, depression, and anxiety. Some may even experience prejudices at work or at home. Many overweight individuals will experience body hatred and self hatred. This self hatred in some is so extreme that they may even have thoughts about death or suicide.

Hilda Bruch in 1973 did research that suggests that food fills an emotional void. She theorized that eating disturbances are related to an inability to identify feelings, including physical sensations and emotions. Therefore, food may be used by many to squelch feelings that haven’t even been identified. In times of stress, anxiety, sadness, food can feel helpful to all of us. But for compulsive overeaters, food may be more than an occasional friend; it may be one of only a few resources for emotional comfort. This is how food can become a form of self medication. Food used as self medication can become an addiction, like any compulsive behavior or substance.

Finding a therapist who is non-judgmental and sensitive to food issues is of the utmost importance. Often clients experience shame and embarrassment about food and weight issues. I want to emphasize my compassion and care for all my clients, and especially those who have issues with compulsive eating.

Finally, it may be important for some to know I work with clients from a psychodynamic, as well as a cognitive behavioral approach. My work with clients who struggle with compulsive overeating, more specifically, includes looking at the underlying motivations and messages for compulsive overeating and finding a food plan that works for that individual. I also assist clients in finding additional resources to further their recovery and growth.

Many clients inquire about therapy after years of suffering from lack of confidence. Some people are lucky to have inherited self-esteem from their parents; however, many people struggle with self-image. Most things in their lives appear normal. They are able to function in many areas of life, but their lack of self-admiration causes them to lose job opportunities, miss social engagements, or feel “less than”. This may be due to a history of abuse, depression, lack of nurturing, or other mental health issue.

Some individuals not only lack self confidence, but are additionally burdened by the presence of shame/guilt. Shame and guilt are extremely destructive agents that can have detrimental effects on interpersonal relationships. This can lead to isolation, loneliness and despair.

Positive self image is something that is attainable. It requires work and maintenance. It is not something magical that appears one day after you have made it to the top of the corporate ladder or after you are married with children. I assist clients in not only raising their self-image, but also learning new skills for coping that enhance their self-respect. By identifying strengths that have not been uncovered and learning new skills a new level of self-esteem will develop. Furthermore, when one is able to hold him or herself in esteem, one is able to participate in reciprocal relationships of respect, love, and intimacy.

Survivors of childhood abuse are just that “survivors”. However, these survivors have not survived the abuse without wounds. There are several types of abuse: physical, emotional, sexual and neglect. Many people suffered as children form one or a combination of these types of abuse. Some were abused physically, emotionally and sexually by family members, friends of the family, and yet others have been abused by complete strangers. Some victims have experienced moderate symptoms that affect their relationships, careers and self-esteem. Other less fortunate victims have experienced serious trauma. The consequences of childhood abuse are both short term and long term. Some of the most common consequences I have seen are anxiety, depression, substance abuse, eating disorders, lack of trust, sleep disturbances, acting out sexually or no sexual interest, and poor self-esteem. Abuse can, and often does, impact all aspects of the victim’s life.

When we grow up in households where there is significant inadequate parenting, deprivation and abuse, we learn to think certain ways and behave certain ways that may help us survive as children. However, many of these thoughts and behaviors are not useful long-term into adulthood, and, in fact,
can be detrimental to our functioning. I believe that relief can be achieved by challenging and learning new thoughts and behaviors. It is also important to understand patterns of abuse in your life and in the life of your family. Rebuilding a sense of self-worth and overcoming the overwhelming sense of guilt, shame, fear, and sadness is achievable. Resolving feelings of fear and depression while improving communication and clear boundaries in relationships with family, friends and co-workers are important. Eliminating the denial and putting the responsibility of the abuse on the perpetrator is a necessity. Increasing support will help you in your healing process. The final result will be you building self-esteem, a sense of empowerment and increasing your overall participation and joy in life. Healing the wounds of childhood abuse can help you move beyond survival. There is hope.

For information about group therapy for a adult survivors of abuse, please visit my Group Therapy